Who am i?

I don't even know. I don't even know where to start. I keep telling myself that all the superficial things in life aren't worth my time but i focus on them as much as everyone else. I keep trying to forget that i just can't talk to people it's not something i can do, but i keep trying, i keep pushing to be above the bar of normalcy. But if i actually said what i was thinking i wouldn't have any friends. I have to change how i think to be accepted anywhere. I have to dumb things down and then when i dumb things down to far, people point it out and then i constantly have to keep myself in check. I don't know if i like knowledge or if knowledge only hinders me. I don't know if what i know now means anything. I don't know if learning more actually with matter in the long one. I don't know if i should feel as alone as i am. I don't know if i should be looking for more people to hang around. Am i lonely? Should i care? Am i fun to be around? Am i annoying or bossy or just boring. Am i not good enough for the people in my school? Or am i so above everyone as i think i am? Is what i'm thinking actually correct? Are any of my theories about this earth even sane? Am i sane. I do i have an erge to share my petty problems with people. Is it because i'm secretly as needy as everyone else. I wish i could not care about people think about me. But it's so hard. It's so hard not to feel people's eyes boring into me. I could never be a public speaker, singer, actor or teacher. So that rules out all of my career choices up until now. But does that even matter? I've heard so many stories of people who've worked so hard and just have life punch them in the face. Who am i? Am i funny? Am i enjoyable to be around? Am i a fun-sucker? Am i the buzz kill of the party? Should i care about what my parents feel? Do i like drama? What are my interests? What are my passions in life? What type of people should i be hanging around with? How can i even question all these things when i haven't even lived a life yet. I haven't done anything adventurous i'm a little noob sitting at home. I need to go party and live a life. Should i even be partying are they even that much fun? Should i be studying. What is the right thing to do? and what makes the right thing right. Why do i even worry about all these things. I just wish my brain would shut up for like 10 secs. I can't even keep up with my thoughts long enough to write fluently. You have seen how i write you can tell my brain i running 100x as fast a my hands. All the things i'm good at everyone else is already 10x better then me. I guess i'll just have to try 10x harder to be better. Should i want to be better? Do i actually have "friends"? Is this really me? Who am i? And should i care?